Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Cats rule and dogs drool

You might remember me, I'm Toby the Tabby. Today I'm blogging about our dog, Aggie. Spring is coming and with spring comes terrible thunderstorms. Thunder and gunshots are the two things that make Aggie go insane. When she goes nuts, she changes into a creature of super strength and no brains. The Woman is already getting worried wondering what crazy thing Aggie might do when the first big storm hits.

In my opinion, Aggie is usually a very dull dog. She won't play with cats, she's such a sissy. One little claw prick and you'd think we stabbed her with a sword. We can't even sleep on top of her because when we stretch and stick our claws into her she jumps up and runs. But to give her credit, she never eats our food. The Woman says 'no' and she won't touch it. Pretty silly dog, huh? I'd eat her food if she didn't inhale it in three seconds flat. Aggie never gets on the furniture, never chews things, and she comes like a streak when the Woman calls her. In fact she has lots of silly tricks she does for the Woman. All symptoms of the brainwashed obedience of dogs. Dogs are so needy they will do anything for a pat on the head. When the Woman tells us cats 'no' we pretend we don't understand.

When the storms come and the Woman is home, Aggie slinks around after her in a most cowardly manner but she does maintain some self control. On the other hand, when the Woman is gone Aggie changes from a dull dog to a demon creature. She jumps through windows, she broke through a screen door. One time during her storm-insanity she knocked over a TV trying to get under the table. She actually gnawed/dug her way through a chain link fence (not under but through). People don't believe that until we show them the hole she made by spreading the links of the fence--like the jaws-of-life. The Woman had to replace the weather stripping on the garage door because crazy dog ripped it off trying to dig between the door and the cement drive. The Woman is sure the idiot dog will jump out of the second floor window sooner or later. Personally, I don't think a fifteen foot fall would hurt her. She goes through glass with never a cut so why would a little dropoff do her any harm?

The Woman finally found a big cage with bars that Aggie cannot bend. Poor, silly dog will be spending her days in the cage. I heard the Woman telling her there will be no jumping through windows anymore. We cats cannot understand why sounds change our usually dull dog into a Tasmanian Devil determined to do herself harm. Guess it all comes down to the superior intelligence of cats.


Meanwhile, I've been busy conducting scientific studies. I'm trying to find the purpose for all the stuff the Woman has laying around the house. Taking things apart is the best way to figure them out.

The Woman doesn't understand my scientific interest. She has lots of stuff but she isn't interested in learning what things are made of. I can't believe she has a leather purse and shoes she's never even tasted. She is only somewhat smarter than the dog. So far I've determined that these two things are not edible.